The Post Office Run

Move in was at 9:00 AM. We were there at 8:15 and waited until they opened the door. I will not rehash the events of the next two and a half hours only to say at 11:35 I was sitting, exhausted in Sade and Katie’s new apartment, while Sade set up her room and Katie set up hers. All the ten (10) plastic bins were in the apartment with all the other stuff. I told everyone I was taking them to lunch on me…but they wanted to finish putting stuff away, so I sat and cooled off. At one point I looked at my watch and seeing that it was 11:35, and most Post Offices close at noon on Saturday, I figured I would take care of that business while the ladies were doing their mother/daughter thing. “Good idea,” my wife suggested, you go take care of the letter and we will be ready when you return.”

I asked the new roommate where the nearest Post Office was, she looked at me with one of those, “Post Office..what’s that?” look and I thanked her and told her I would GOOGLE it. The nearest P.O. was two miles away, but closed. The next closest 3.2 miles and open til noon. I put in the address and followed Siri’s instructions, left, left, right, left. Etc. Remember, this is move-in day across a major college campus and I am on the outskirts and Siri is bringing me to the heart of darkness. Closer and closer to the main thoroughfare in Morgantown, WV: High Street. A two-lane one way road through the BUSINESS DISTRICT. With traffic…and lights (all RED) and I watch my 25 minutes dwindle to 20, then 15, then 10, but I am close. Within 800 feet in fact, EZ PZ for ten minutes. Pull into the P.O. parking lot, run in to get my letter certified and back to the girls. I am 600 feet, and Siri says to turn left. I turn left. Then two blocks up, TURN LEFT again, and a block up TURN LEFT. I AM ON THE SAME STREET…HIGH STREET GOING IN THE SAME DIRECTION I JUST DROVE WITH THAT MORON SIRI TELLING ME TO TURN LEFT AGAIN!!! Sorry honey I am turning RIGHT.

So I turn right, and there in front of me is THE UNITED STATES POST OFFICE!. I recognized it from the big flag out front. I cross an empty parking lot and there it is. Only problem…THERE’S A SEVEN FOOT HIGH CHAIN LINK FENCE BETWEEN ME AND THE PO. I have five (5) minutes to closing. So, I turn around and looking desperately for a way to turn without going back to the ONE WAY STREET and I see a parking lot for a Funeral Home. I pull in, ignore the signs NO PARKING SMITH’S FUNERAL HOME, turn off the car, jump out with my wallet, my keys, my glasses, my LETTER, and RUN A BLOCK to the PO, it is now two (2) minutes from closing, and I breathlessly make it to the door, and it is unlocked. I completed my transaction as the last customer apologizing for keeping the Postal Guy after hours. “No problem sir, that’s quite all right.” And the letter went out.