The Deal of the Century

HAVE I GOT THE DEAL FOR YOU!

I have one fine automobile for you to replace that old Chevy you got there. Now I know you really love that car, and it’s reliable transportation, but look, it’s got 75,000 miles on it, and it’s gonna need new tires, and some work on that transmission, and a new battery, and that dent in the door need to be straightened, a BUNCH of things need to be done to make that Chevy remain a solid ride. If you DON’T take care of these modifications, you will break down, it will let you down.

Now over here I have a great car, it has everything you want in a vehicle and it will cost you NEXT TO NOTHING. Maintenance charges: Zero. Paint job: Who needs a shiny car? A little rust. Steel Wool and some spray paint, it will last for years. It will cost you GAS and nothing more. Now, you ask me what does this car include? Well, we had a solid car to start with, and you did have to make a big down payment, and monthly payments, but we were able to get those payments reduced to ZERO…$0.00. All we had to do was get rid of those useless and expensive options.

How you ask? Well….we had to take the new tires off and put bald tires on it, and we had to take the leather seats out and put lawn chairs inside (much lighter and more comfortable), and there won’t be any noise inside, no radio or CD player or MP3 to distract you. Battery. Who needs that heavy and acid filled monstrosity? At no extra charge you get a crate filled with AA, AAA and D batteries! Heat and Cooling? Boy did we save you there. Every new vehicle comes with wool socks and five (5) sweaters. Hot summer day? How about those battery operated fans on top of those spray bottles, huh?

We know you want to save money on gas, so we removed that gas guzzling 6 cylinder motor and replaced it with a two (cylinder) Gemini Engine. 50 mpg and 0-45 in only three minutes! Windows? Who needs windows, we have extra thick window shades on ALL FOUR DOORS. Want to see what’s outside? Pull on the handy catch and up they go! Gets a little cool or snowy outside, pull down and hold, and presto you are sealed in an almost airtight compartment.

Get a little rainy outside, just grab the soft nylon rope on the dashboard and pull to the RIGHT and LEFT to actuate the two(2) wipers on the windscreen. No wiper motors to go bad and you can instantly control the speed of wiping, no need to figure out those complicated “intermittent” wipers. What does “intermittent” even mean? That they work sometimes, and not others. What a waste!

So, if you want to REMOVE and REPLACE your old Chevy Clunker, have a look at our BRAND NEW “YOUGO” the DIY transportation wave of the future!

NOTE: My take on the Freedom Caucus’s stripping all the benefits from the ACA to bring premiums down. What’s missing? Doctor visits, emergency room care, hospital costs, maternal and prenatal care, mental health and substance abuse treatment, Prescriptions, Laboratory Services, Chronic Disease Management, and Pediatric oral and dental care. What DOES it cover? I have no idea.