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Abusive Relations

Abusive Relationships

Too often young women, and even some not-so-young women find themselves in abusive relationships. To a lesser extent young men. The abuser acts in ways that are extremely controlling. They are possessive, they are jealous. Jealous of same sex friends, intolerant of any opposite sex friends, or adult friends. They are constantly calling, asking where they are, what are they doing. The obsession is towards total knowledge of their prey’s whereabouts, their activities, even their thoughts.

With the current trends of social media, where folks are “in touch 24/7”, with texting a means of maintaining a constant presence, there is no down time. The abuser demands as much “alone time” with their prey as possible, and when they are “out of sight” they are not only not “out of mind,” but obsessively captured by thought and text. Even when they are out with same sex friends. Or with family. They won't let their prey go to parties if they "don’t like" someone there, and won't let them go if they can't (or do not want to) go. Even jealous of family, family. It’s all about control, domination, obsession. “You have to love me and ONLY me!”

‪My advice to anyone, male or female in this situation is to get out as soon as you can, because invariably the relationship can turn to emotional abuse, threats (I'll kill myself if you leave) and… all too often, turns physical. Grabs, slaps, chokes, leading to punches and kicks. Horrible displays of anger followed by sickening bouts of apology: ”Baby I’ m so sorry, this will never happen again, ever….” Until it does. The pattern repeating itself over and over until the victim stops it, by leaving, or it leads to a violent episode from which there is no return.

‪Here is my test: It's not how you feel about the other person in the relation (how much you love them etc.) it's how you feel about YOURSELF in the relationship. If you are made to feel inadequate, helpless, hopeless, powerless; then by all means, respond to these signs and get out, now. Before it is too late.

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